Two recent paintings

"Rememberment plan" , 18"x24", acrylic, graphite, collage on canvas, 2015.

"Rememberment plan", 18"x24", acrylic, graphite, collage on canvas, 2015.

 " Bring that beat back (Clear the way) ", 18"x24", acrylic, graphite, collage on canvas,   2015.

 "Bring that beat back (Clear the way)", 18"x24", acrylic, graphite, collage on canvas, 2015.

I've been struggling with the studio practice this year. I've started dozens of pieces, covered most of them over with white more than once, and started over. These two have left me curious. They were untouched in these states for weeks. I expected to come to some kind of sudden conclusion as to what the next move in paint should be. As I walked into my painting space over this past weekend, the "sudden conclusion" was that they were done. 

Most of the pieces I've worked on lately have been a mix of old visual language elements, and an inability to just stop making more marks or layers. I've been dissatisfied in feeling like I was pointlessly trying to get to a place where the work needed to be settled and compositionally complete. I could blame this on my day job as a graphic designer, where everything must have visual harmony that creates a better experience for the user.  I've been wanting, and working, towards surfaces that challenge and unsettle what I want them to be.

It's not that the image shouldn't resolve or have composition, so much as it had to leave me feeling they were at the edge, where comfort is just out of reach. If it's possible to be satisfied with tension and discomfort, then these do it.

On making a studio

A recent interview on the Unit Editions blog on how two, well known, UK design studios got their start. 

AS: So it seems that the motivation in all cases was not money, but a desire for autonomy, wanting to be in charge of your own destiny. And that’s more important than money.
All: Definitely.

That pretty much sums it up for me as well. 

Rioting. The unbeatable high.

Rioting. The unbeatable high.

Given the verdict in Furgeson, and possibly even more bewildering, the reaction, this seems timely. I have friends who hate cops. I have friends who are cops. I wasn't there so I don't know what happened. Brown's death seems unjustifiable based on the facts we have. But it's also been sensationalized and distorted to the point that our feelings are based mostly on a constructed narrative.

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How I Discovered Process

Note: This was originally posted on Medium. This is it's new home.

A small mural I painted in 2011 for a solo show titled "Modified Structures". It was a painting with no plan.

A small mural I painted in 2011 for a solo show titled "Modified Structures". It was a painting with no plan.

The first time I understood creative process was through studying jazz. In about the 6th grade I started getting exposed to jazz through being involved in the school band program, and throughout high school, I spent most of my day time hours in a band room behind a drum kit.

Blue Notes are Awesome

I couldn’t read music very well. Notes on a page never made sense to me. So I primarily learned by listening to records, and feeling my way through a given piece. My favorite records were Bebob and Hardbop from the 50's and 60's. The structures of these types of songs, at least in how we were taught to think of them, was essentially a main melody, or “the head”, leading up to a solo. A collective statement, leading to an individual response, followed by commentary by other soloist. The solos were the whole point. They were a dialogue with the experience in real time. Once you got to the jazz solo, anything could happen. There were guiding principals that lead the ear — chords, rhythms and scales — and from those came an endless chain of thoughts, statements, experiments and expressions.

A great entry point for understanding “the head” vs a solo can be seen in this performance of Miles Davis’ “So What” from 1959.

If a horn player or piano player had those chords and scales as the core of their language, I similarly had the entire sound of a drum kit at my disposal. You learn fairly quickly that hitting the batter head of a drum is only the beginning. The rims, shells, metal tubes of the stands, and every possible edge of a kit could be incorporated into a given statement. Speed it up, slow it down, make it up as you go. Mistakes only lasted as long as it took to exit a passage and often times those offered surprise and excitement. The “blue note” — technically an expressively flatted note in a scale — was jokingly used as a catch-all description for a dropped stick, an odd note, or a rhythm that just stretched time.  

It would be clear fumble of some kind, and you learned quickly how to recover a passage out of sheer panic. This moment of fear was what taught you most about improvisation, process, and how to incorporate a near-disaster into an overall statement. If the accident occurs, absorb it into the overall statement, but whatever you do, don’t stop.

Mistakes really only had to do with how well you dealt with the situation…

This is what made jazz human. No two players sounded alike, even if they were equally boring. And any given musician had the potential of blowing it. But mistakes really only had to do with how well you dealt with the situation, and the more experienced you became, the better you got at dealing with them. It by no means meant you didn’t make them. It just meant you weren’t afraid of the risk.

The Middle Makes It

Visual art for me is very much the same — be it a design project for a client, or a painting. When I started pursuing abstraction seriously, it was merely an extension of what I had learned playing the drums. If there was an ending to a song, it was everything that happened in the middle that made it what it was. The ending was more or less determined by a player finishing a thought or just stopping at the end of their 36 bars. A painting is merely a beginning and end, but it’s the middle that makes it what it ultimately is.

I didn't plan this wall piece. I just started.

I didn't plan this wall piece. I just started.

The first marks on a canvas, or the first cut piece of paper for a collage, are typically just a beginning. Not a planned strategy. Just this material, on that flat surface to see what happens. The Dadaist and Surrealists perfected this kind of approach. They called it Automatism, and had much more interesting (or boring) explanations for the how’s and why’s behind it.

The important thing was that it happened without a preconceived idea in mind of how something should end. The outcome was not predetermined. The only thing that is decided in any good work, even if it’s a monumental installation that takes planning and logistics, is that it begins.

All that is needed from the maker is patience, and willingness to make a mistake. Sometimes the mistake forces you to white-out a complete section. That move alone could be what takes you in a direction you never would have thought of by following a plan.

Blog post as cutting tool

Active searching

There is a familiar point, in between periods of creative output, where things feel frozen, overwhelming, stuck. I’m not talking about creative block. I don’t believe in that kind, insofar as it means literally frozen from making or doing. This definition assumes that no work is being made at all. If you aren’t actually doing the process of making, going through the motions - active searching - then you don’t get what it means to be an artist, or maker. Or in the very least, you aren’t going to get anything out of whatever state you are in.

The familiar point I’m talking about is one of convergence. Ideas have fallen in on each other, crashing through the roof of desire. Questions have flooded the basement. One becomes stuck in a mental stasis of yes or no, right or left, up or down. No matter what mark I make with paint, or line I draw, it feels inconclusive. Old. Done before. Not what I want to be saying now. Though I take in a ton of imagery, I seem unable to respond in my own way. Fumbling. But I know this is the process. And the key is to move. Make. Do. Change something from before. Step outside.

Miscellaneous drawings from 2012.

Miscellaneous drawings from 2012.

Case in point.

I am feeling the push in myself to take on the task of actively developing the way I communicate with others online. This means more focused writing, sharing, showing what I am doing. Some of this feels affected or incongruous with myself. I’m not sure if that’s me, or the frayed remnants of a constructed artist narrative we’ve all grown up with. The one where you get discovered, chosen, hand selected, and don’t need to dirty yourself with promotion. It’s a myth. We all know this. It does happen to some. But that it will happen while I work away all to myself, without going out, showing, talking, trying to connect others to my work, in this digital age of instant image dissemination, is a myth. 

So I started writing this post in order to be active, to sort out, to hit publish. And that is what I’ll do. Hit publish and not worry about this one anymore. My studio is a dark, freezing garage, but my dissatisfaction with my current imagery won’t get fixed because I pull out the heater. So then what? Don’t pull out the heater, and do nothing?

I should get punched in the mouth for that shit.

Time to kill the darlings. It is said a samurai should make a decision in seven breaths. Get out the white paint and start blocking out sections, creating obstructive statements that force a response. It’s hard to trust a painting that looks easy. 

Less thinking, more breathing.